Crucible: RiD
by pitaC89
Summary: The RiD crew perform the crucible their way. And the cast is totally mismatched. Arthur Miller is rolling in his grave. ACT 3 UP NOW! Sourge is Danforth and Magnus is trying to convince the court that Koji isn't a witch or a girl
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: the Crucible belongs to the late Arthur Miller. No disrespect was meant to Arthur Miller by this fic.

AN: If you haven't read 'The Crucible' you might not get some of the jokes. Sorry about the change but I didn't realize script format was forbidden. Luckily for me Fallen Archangel Ben informed me of it. Unluckily for him, he found out when his fic was deleted for it.

Cast

-Abigail William – Prowl (Prowl: What?)

-Mary Warren- Optimus Prime (Optimus: I'm the whimpy, stupid chick?)

-John Proctor- Ultra Magnus (Magnus: I have to have an affair with Prowl? Director: Yes but you get to beat Optimus up. Magnus: Works for me)

-Elizabeth Proctor- Koji (Koji: _Stares. _Magnus: isn't she pregnant at the end? Koji: _FAINTS _

-The Proctor children- X-brawn and Sideburn-- (Both: _Tackle Magnus. _Daddy!)

-Rebecca Nurse- Megatron (Everyone: HUH?)

-The Putnam Family- Team Bullet Train (Team Bullet Train: Which one of us gets to be the guy?)

-Rev. Hale – Sky-byte (Sky-byte: I wanted to be John Proctor DAMNIT! Koji: _Scoots away_)

Danforth- Scourge (Scourge: ULTIMATE POWER! MWAHAHAHA)

-Rev. Parris – T-Ai (T-Ai: _Glares)_

-Giles Corey – Wedge (Everybody: Huh?)

-Martha Corey- Heavy Load (Wedge: Whaaaa? Magnus: Don't complain pipsqueak. Look what I got to deal with. Koji: Hey!)

-Other people- Slapper, Gas skunk, and Darkscream

Act I

T-Ai is seen kneeling over an unconscious Slapper, who is filling in as Betty Parris. T-Ai is wearing an oversized minister outfit and a very fake mustache.

"Betty, My only daughter please wake up" T-Ai pleaded, over-acting.

"Is there been any change Uncle?" Prowl asked wearing a really slutty dress and speaking in a crappy British accent.

"No. What were you thinking leading the girls to dance in the woods? There's been enough gossip in Salem about you since Goody Proctor fired you" T-Ai admonished.

"1) It was but dancing 2) Goody Proctor is a sniveling, wretched, cold bitch-"

"Huh?" Koji said from offstage. He got that teary eyed look.

"It's ok Mommy" Sideburn and X-Brawn hug Koji.

"There was more than dancing going on last night. Somebody was running around naked" T-Ai said.

"Hehe. Naked? We weren't naked" Prowl said nervously.

"There's talk of witchcraft downstairs Abigail" T-Ai said sternly.

"There be no witchcraft in Salem Uncle" Prowl said, inconspicuously kicking his cauldron under the bed.

Optimus come running into the room in hysterics "Is Betty ok?" he asked in a high-pitched voice.

"Betty will just fine. She just took a fright" Prowl said.

"Well, I'm going to go down stairs to lie through my teeth to save you vengeful little sluts' necks" T-Ai said walking toward the stairs.

"Ok" Prowl and Optimus said dismissively. As soon as she was gone Optimus turned back to Prowl.

"They're going to hang us Abby!" he cried hysterical.

"Shut it Mary Warren" Prowl hissed slapping him. "We did nothing wrong"

"But you drank a charm of Ox blood to kill Goody Proctor!" Optimus let out a high-pitched girly scream.

Off stage Koji sweat dropped. "I so feel the love" he deadpanned.

Magnus entered the room. "What are you doing here Mary Warren?" He asked sternly.

"I come to see the great doings of the world Mr. Proctor" Optimus said self-righteously.

"And you leave my wife alone to do so while she's not well?" Magnus asked.

"Koji's sick?" Optimus asked.

Magnus slapped him. "In the play stupid!"

Off stage Koji glare. "Wait a second! You think I'm a girl!" He yells at Optimus.

"Uhh…. I'll be heading home now" Optimus said running away before Koji decided to come after him with a gun that was way to big for a thirteen year old to have.

"Hello John" Prowl said coyly.

"Not now slut" Magnus said harshly.

Off stage Midnight Express and Railspike exchange wary glances. "I don't think the Puritans used that kind of language," Railspike said.

"Indeed. What happened to the script?" Midnight asked.

Just then G1 Sideswipe ran by yelling 'down with required literature' waving a flaming Arthur Miller original in the air.

"Never mind" Midnight and Railspike sweat dropped.

On stage Sky-byte has made his elegant, grand introduction.

"Hi ya! I'm Reverend Hale. I'm here to out your witches!" Sky-byte said.

"Did we just skip an entire conversation where my only role was shamelessly offering Proctor my body" Prowl asked.

"Yes" Slapper said disappointed.

"Prev" Magnus and Prowl accused.

"Whatever" Slapper slipped back into a coma.

"Yeah well witchcrafts bull. I'm going home to take care of my lovely wife Ko-ELIZABETH! My lovely wife Elizabeth" Magnus repeated as he made a swift exit.

"Rev. Hale, nice to meet you" T-Ai said coming back upstairs.

Just then Midnight and Railspike walked in.

"Mr. Putnam what brings you here?" T-Ai asked.

"I'm here to get the scoop on witchcraft so that I can have my daughter cry witch on everyone who has land that I want" Midnight said. Railspike elbows him. "I mean I came here to tell you all that my daughter Ruth has been bewitched as well"

"Hmm. Children and their silly seasons" Megatron said, sweeping into the room. "I've seen it with my eleven children and twenty-six grandchildren"

Everyone stares.

"The spirit of a child will always come back to you. You have just got to stand still long enough" Megatron said before departing.

"WITCH!" Railspike cried after Megatron. Midnight elbowed him.

"Not yet woman!"

"Sorry" Railspike apologized.

"There be no witchcraft in Salem Mr. Hale. The children were just dancing in the woods and took a fright," T-Ai explained.

"Dancing? Sounds like witchcraft to me" Sky-byte looked at Prowl suspiciously.

"Umm… I SAW GOODY OSBOURNE WITH THE DEVIL!" Prowl yelled.

"I saw Goody Goode with the devil!" Slapper yelled.

"I saw John Proctor with the devil" Optimus yelled sticking his head in the window.

Magnus grabbed him by the scruff of his neck. "Not now wench!"

End Act 1


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Act II (Eight Weeks later)

Magnus enters an old time kitchen where Koji, clad in a pair of black baggy pants and a black shirt, is cooking over and open fire.

"Aren't you supposed to be wearing a dress or something?" Magnus asked.

"If I have to act like I'm your wife and let Sideburn and X-brawn call me 'Mommy', I'm going to do it in pants" Koji said.

"Whatever. Where are the boys?" Magnus asked starting his lines.

"Bed" Koji said.

"How was your day?"

"Fine"

"Are you going to forgive me for the whole having an affair with Abby behind the barn thing?" Magnus asked.

"No"

"Damnit Elizabeth- Hey, where's Mary Warren?" Magnus asked.

"Gone to Salem" Koji said tasting the stew he was making.

"YES! More than one word!- Wait. Mary Warren went to Salem even after I forbid it? How dare she!" Magnus said indignantly.

'There's the pot calling the kettle black' Koji though. Out loud he simply said "Yes".

"Damnit! Back to the one word answers!—Why didn't you try to stop her?" Magnus asked

"You try stopping someone ten times your size" Koji muttered.

"Huh?"

"She says she's an official of the court," Koji said mockingly.

"Hello Goody Proctor" Optimus announced solemnly. "I made this for you in court today," he said handing Koji a doll.

"Tis' a lovely poppet Mary Warren. I just hope it doesn't help John's mistress have me condemned for witchcraft," Koji said lightly. Everyone stared at him. " 'The Crucible' is required reading at my school " he explained.

"Whatever. Mary!" Magnus slaps her. "I told you to stay away from Salem"

"Don't touch me!" Optimus yelled. "I saved her life today!" He yells pointing at Koji.

Koji looks slightly upset. "I'm accused?" he asked.

"Not accused but somewhat mentioned" Optimus admitted. " But I told them that I never saw no sign of witchcraft in your house though". Magnus slaps him remembering what Optimus said at the end of Act I.

"Abby accuses me?" Koji asked.

"Maybe" Optimus says nervously.

"Tell us who you slut!" Magnus yells slapping him.

"Abby!" Optimus squeaks cowering.

"Go to bed Mary" Magnus say calmly and almost kindly.

"I'll not be ordered to bed no more Mr. Proctor. I'm eighteen and a woman, however single" Optimus says, finishing proudly.

"Sit up if you like" Magnus says walking inside after Koji who went inside when he realized that there had been no mention of them going outside therefore they should all still be in the kitchen.

"We're suppose to talk more stupid" Optimus yelled at Magnus' back.

(Inside)

"She seeks to take my place John. There's no other reason she'd dare call out a farmer's wife… Damnit I wish the Puritans believed in divorce" Koji said.

"Don't be too hasty Elizabeth. We technically have three children even though there are only two actors portraying them right now." Magnus said.

"What? I'm allowed to die because some other woman wants you but I can't leave you? Get real John!" Koji said. Then he muttered "Why'd I have to get cast as Elizabeth, this is so wrong",

"Tell me about it" Magnus said as he shivered.

"Am I interrupting something?" Sky-byte says at the door.

"No" Koji and Magnus answered at the same time.

"Well, I'm here to investigate the charge of witchcraft against Goody Proctor" Sky-byte said.

Koji's eye twitches. "Well in that case we offer the full hospitality of our house to you" Koji said sarcastically.

"Hmm… does that include booze?" Sky-byte asked.

"No that was just the signal for John to grab his rifle, shoot you, and dump your body in Putnam's root cellar" Koji said.

"The one thing we agree on" Magnus smirked holding his rifle.

"Oh. Ok, can I question you on your commandments first?" Sky-byte asked.

"I can say them all but John keeps forgetting the seventh," Koji said dismissively.

"Which one is that again?" Magnus asked sheepishly.

"Adultery" Koji and Sky-byte said at the same time.

Magnus blushes.

"Is there any particular reason you have trouble remembering that one?" Sky-byte asked suspicious.

Magnus glared at him.

"Never mind" Sky-byte said shrinking in fear.

"Hello Proctor, I've got a warrant for Goody Proctor's arrest" Darkscream said from the door.

"Cheever? What do you mean warrant?" Magnus asked.

"Elizabeth has been accused of attempted murder," Darkscream said, examining the house.

"What?" Everyone yelled, both in the audience and on stage. There was considerable disbelief from the Koji fans in the audience. Loud booing of Darkscream followed.

"Why is the majority of the audience booing me?" Darkscream asked.

"Because you have no fans" Magnus said looking out at the audience. "Where's my fan club?" A large group of kids stood up cheering.

"What about my fans?" Sky-byte asked. One kid stood cheer and was quickly pulled back down by the girl sitting next to him.

"Ok back to the play. Goody Proctor, do you keep poppets?" Darkscream asked.

"No. Not since I was … a … girl" Koji ground out. "So wrong" he muttered.

"Ok. What's that then?" Darkscream asked pointing at the poppet Optimus gave Koji.

"I knew that thing would get me in trouble" Koji muttered. The normal "That's Mary's"

"There's a needle stuck in it in the same place as Abigail's wound!" Darkscream exclaimed as he lifted the poppets skirt. Then he turned on Koji. "You murdering witch!"

"Proctor!" Wedge cried running in the door "The took my Martha!" Wedge yelled, "and his Rebecca!" He said pointing at RiD Hot Shot.

"Yes… they took myy Rebeccaaa" Hot Shot ground out. "Why'd I have to be cast as Mr. Nurse? Megatron makes a ugly wife," Hot Shot muttered

"I'm starting to appreciate you more" Magnus said looking at Koji.

"Just in time for me to be accused of witchcraft by your vengeful mistress" Koji said.

"What's going on down here?" Optimus asked leading X-brawn and Sideburn down stairs.

"You doll just got me arrested for murder" Koji said.

"What? Mommy would never hurt anybody!" X-brawn and Sideburn defended their play mom.

"I made that poppet in court today while I was sitting next to Abby" Optimus explained.

"Still got to arrest her" Darkscream said dragging Koji out the door.

"I will not lose my"—Magnus slaps Optimus for no reason-- " wife to vengeance!" Magnus yells.

"Whatever" Darkscream said nonchalantly as he chained Koji in between Heavy Load and Megatron.

"Don't you dare chain her Cheever!" Magnus yelled.

"This really isn't helping me on the 'Convince the Autobots that I'm a guy' front" Koji sighed.

"I have to chain them all Proctor" Darkscream said.

"Don't worry Martha! I'll find away to get you out!" Wedge yelled.

"You'd better little man!" Heavy Load yelled. Koji looked at him like he was nuts and then scooted away from him until he bumped into Megatron's leg.

"Don't worry Beth. The Lord shall see us through" Megatron said affectionately patting Koji's back.

"What did you give him to make him stop being evil?" Koji asked Darkscream.

"Riddilin" Darkscream said handing the packet of pills to Koji.

"This isn't Riddilin you idiot! It's Viagra!" Koji yelled.

"So that's why he's being so friendly" Darkscream said.

"John! Go to Salem tomorrow and tell them everything you know about Abigail Williams! These two are scaring me!" Koji yelled.

"Don't worry Elizabeth! I shall fall upon that court like an ocean!" Magnus yelled. Then he grabbed Optimus and dragged him inside "Time for your beating wench!"

"Pray for me Darling" Megatron called to Hot Shot.

"Yes dear" Hot Shot said in a strained voice.

"Five bucks says they go to the tavern and leave us to hang" Koji says as the wagon pulls off.

"Probably" Megatron and Heavy Load said.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

AN: Sorry it's late. And I'm also sorry the plays reality is becoming distorted.

Added Cast 

Salem pimp- Dr. Onishi

Girls that follow Abby- Koji's school friends and Rapid Run (Jenny and Carl: _grumble_)

Act III

Wedge is thrown out of some random door. "But I have proof for the court" Wedge complains.

"This isn't the Courthouse! It's a whorehouse!" Dr. Onishi, who's the pimp, yells. "The Courthouse is two doors down"

"Oh" Wedge says embarrassed.

**TWO DOORS DOWN**

"I have evidence for the court" Wedge yells striding through the door. Everyone looks up.

"That's nice Dearie, but this is the Grand Ole Opry" Dolly Parton says from the stage.

"But that pimp said the courthouse was two doors down" Wedge said.

"Two doors down they're laughin' and drinkin' and havin' a party," Dolly sings before she manages to stop herself. "Sorry. Force of habit" she apologizes.

"He meant two doors **down** the other way" Ricky Van Shelton says.

"Thanks"

**Courthouse **

Wedge strides through the door. "I have evidence!" he announces.

Everyone stares at him. The preacher speaks up "Do you have any reason that these two should not be joined in holy matrimony?"

"Am I early?" Wedge asked.

"Witch trials start in an hour"

"Ok I'll go back to that place two doors down" Wedge said.

**House of Inequity**

"So when you go on business trips, you really come here?" Wedge asked.

"Yup" Dr. Onishi said taking a swig of Old Granddad. "Just don't tell my wife or Koji".

"Koji! I'm supposed to be at the courthouse to stop them from hanging him, Heavy Load, and Megatron!" Wedge exclaimed.

"Hang Koji! He's the only reason my wife hasn't left me for something younger and Latino!" Dr. Onishi cried.

Wedge stared at him.

"My wife has a thing for accents"

"Ooookkkk" Wedge says looking at Dr. Onishi

**Courthouse**

"I have evidence for the court" Wedge yells striding in with Dr. Onishi.

"Too late. You're wife has been sentenced to hang" Scourge says from the podium.

"I went through all of that for nothing?" Wedge said deflating.

"No. Now you get to find why Giles Corey was know as The Man of Iron" Scourge says.

"Why was he called The Man of Iron?" Wedge asked.

"He was pressed to death for refusing to admit to or deny the charge against him", Dr. Onishi said. "But on the bright side your children get to inherit your land because you die a Christian under the law". Wedge just stared, as he was drug from the room but he might have muttered 'but I don't have any children' before the door slammed shut behind him.

"We have evidence for the court!" Magnus yelled dragging Optimus into the courtroom, followed closely by Sideburn and X-brawn.

"What now?" Scourge snapped.

"Mary Warren has written a disposition stating that there were never any spirits or witchcraft in Salem" Magnus said.

"That's nice. Why are you here?" Scourge asked.

"Proctor comes to undermined the Court", T-Ai accused.

"No I just came to save my wife" Magnus said.

"Really? We examined her body-" Scourge was cut off.

"Child molester!" Magnus cried pointing a Scourge.

"IN THE PLAY stupid! We didn't really," Scourge said.

"Wait, you mean I wasn't really suppose have an affair with Prowl?" Magnus asked sheepishly.

"YOU WHAT!" X-brawn yelled breaking character for the first time.

"Ooops" Magnus said as X-brawn, Sideburn, and an embarrassed Prowl tackled him and proceeded to beat the crap out of him.

After the bailiff, which I think was invented by this time, pulled the angry transformers off Magnus Scourge decided to put away his popcorn and continue with his lines.

"As I was saying, we examined your wife's body and found that it's too early to tell if she's really pregnant but we're willing to wait a few months to see if any signs of pregnancy manifest" Scourge said.

"You can wait till doomsday but I don't think my wife will show any signs" Magnus said.

**Up on the catwalk(which is there for reasons unknown since the first half of the chapter was in movie form)**

Koji sighed. "Finally someone who realizes that I'm not a girl". Then Koji lay back down in sniper position and aimed the Requiem Blaster, which he borrowed from Rad, at Optimus.

"Kid, it's almost time for you to go on" Darkscream said appearing out of nowhere and dragging Koji away before he could pull the trigger.

**Back in the movie format…**

"I feel a chill" Prowl exclaimed.

"Yes a spirit walks among us" Jenny said shivering.

"Yeah. And there's a black cat on abbey's shoulder" Magnus said.

"Don't be ridiculous John" Prowl said flicking the hissing cat off.

"Whore!" Magnus shouted pointing at Prowl.

"Isn't it a bit early for that line?" Optimus asked.

"Do you really want to leave Koji alone much longer when he's probably going to snipe your ass first chance he gets?" Magnus asked.

"No"

"Then shut up"

"Proctor where is your proof the Ms. Williams is a whore?" Scourge interrupts.

"Other than the fact that she called me by my first name when Puritans addressed men out side their families as Mr. or sir" Magnus point out. "Plus I just admitted to sleeping with her. Why do you think my wife threw her out?"

"Well we'll just have to ask your wife whether she know s anything about this" Scourge said as Darkscream dragged Koji into the room. "Goody Proctor, did you ever see Abigail Williams have inappropriate relations with your husband?"

"Yes, behind the barn, in the stalls, on the kitchen table while I was teaching the boys their commandments, in the garden, in church, at our second son's baptism" Koji counted off.

"No. I mean having inappropriate conjugal relations with your husband" Scourge said.

"Oh, then at _both_ our sons' baptisms, in the boy's room while I was tucking the boys in, on the family picnic in the churchyard, my parent's dining room last Christmas, at my father's funeral" Koji counted off.

"Good God man! Have you no shame?" Sky-byte asked.

"It's hearsay, we'll disregard this testimony" Scourge said with a wave of his hand. Darkscream drug Koji out of the room.

"Ah hell there's no winning in this. I'm a witch, hang me" Magnus said, defeated. He was then drug off by random extras.

"You don't really intend to hang my son? Do you?" Dr. Onishi asked.

"Mwahahaha" Scourge laughed maniacally.

"Just wanted to remind you that my wife is very fond of him. And you no how she gets when she's angry" Dr. Onishi said dismissively as he walked out.

Scourge immediately stopped laughing. He then hurriedly scribble down a note to himself on a piece of parchment. '_Don't hang the Onishi brat unless you have death wish_'

End Act III

AN: R&R


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Act IV

Darkscream walks into an empty cell. "Whores, it's time for you to be moved," he announced. "Whores?"

"We ran out of cast members so that scene was cut" Scourge told him striding in.

"A little notice would be nice" Darkscream grumbled.

"You were given notice" T-Ai said haughtily.

"When and where?" Darkscream asked. T-Ai pointed at his forehead. Reaching up he pulled off the post-it stuck there. " 'Dropping whore scene, Love Pita'… Did she just break the fourth wall" Darkscream asked. Suddenly he was hit with a bokken.

"Well, now she did" Scourge said looking up to see if the author was going to hit someone else with a bokken.

"Anyway I'm here to tell you… I've been robbed" T-Ai said dramatically.

"Really? By who?" Scourge asked conversationally.

"Abbey and one of her other friends. They've run off together! They must know that Salem intends to rise up and overthrow us!" T-Ai exclaimed.

"Or she realized that with Proctor dead her sole reason for starting the witch-hunt was dead too" Koji said dully as he was carried in with his arms and legs shackled.

"What's with all the chains?" Scourge asked.

"Let's just say Optimus probably won't be making the curtain call" Darkscream said putting Koji down.

"I knew I liked that kid" Scourge said.

"Don't get to happy, he's still alive, just a little loopy"

"How loopy?"

**Ye Olde Hospice----Uhh, Hospital!**

Optimus in full body cast watching a re-run of _Charmed._

"No Phoebe! The Source is going to kill your sisters after he turns back time! Leave demon boy and go home to save them!" Optimus yells at the screen.

His roommate glares at him "Dude, Prue died in the season three finale"

"So?"

"This is the season six finale. Chris is the one that dies, sending his father on a murderous rampage that kills two elders, leads him to the Avatars, and nearly gets him recycled in season seven"

"Oh…" Optimus looks back at the screen and sees Gideon stabbing Chris who's trying to save his brother from the insane elder. "WATCH OUT PRUE! SHAX IS GOING TO _KILL_ YOU!"

**Back at the Salem Jail…**

Scourge's optic is twitching. "Alrighty then… What---"

Sky-byte storms in. "I come to do the devil's work!"

"Does this mean we can hang you too?" Koji asks hopefully.

"No, I am a instrument of God. I can not be swayed by Lucifer" Sky-byte proclaimed.

"But you said-" T-Ai started.

"I meant I came to consul Christians to lie to save their lives. I tell them to confess imaginary guilt!" Sky-byte cried out burying his face in his hands. He peeks through his claws at Koji. "Have you confessed your guilt yet? You're soon to be a widow and still very young. You need not die when you could still find an honorable husband" Sky-byte said raising an eyebrow suggestively.

"That better have been part of the script" Dr. Onishi growled.

"Of course it was" Sky-byte said with a nervous cough. "What do you take me for?"

Dr. Onishi glared before walking off.

"Goody Proctor need not confess just yet" T-Ai said self-righteously. "It would not be prudent to hang a woman in her heavily pregnant condition."

Sky-byte looked at Koji's flat stomach. "Huh?"

"Though Goody Proctor has yet to show signs of pregnancy we are confident that they should appear any day now" Scourge proclaimed.

"But it's been six months. Shouldn't the signs have manifested by now?" Sky-byte asked.

"Well, the baby could be very small" Scourge allowed.

Sky-byte stared. "Uh-huh" he nodded.

"WE CAN NOT HANG THIS SORT!" T-Ai cried out.

"Why the bloody hell not?" Scourge asked.

"Salem shall rise up in rebellion! We will all be killed!" She cried.

"Why in God's name would they be discontent? They've always cheered at the hangings before." Scourge said.

"Those hung before were sluts and dissidents! These are respectable citizens!" T-Ai claimed.

"Then why are they being hung?" Scourge asked.

"Because they were accused by vengeful sluts?" Koji suggested.

"NO! They are secretly serving the devil! The towns people will be grateful for our wisdom!" Scourge declared.

Koji looked out the window at the towns people who were holding pitchforks and torches screaming 'Down with the judges'. "Sure. You're right" he said sarcastically.

"But just to be sure. Goody Proctor, maybe the sight of his forth child growing in your womb"—Koji gags at this point—"will dissuade your husband from this course of foolishness and allow him to confess. That way one good man may live" Scourge declared.

Koji's still gagging. "What was that? You lost me at womb" he gasped between breaths.

"Bailiff! Bring in Proctor" Scourge ordered. Darkscream is already leading in Ultra Magnus.

"Proctor behold you wife!" Scourge ordered.

Magnus looks at Koji. "Ok… Anything else you want me to do?"

"Does not the sight of her so heavily with child move you to confess you're wrong doing so that you may one day teach your son to walk tall in the light of the Lord our God?" Scourge asked.

Koji rubs his still flat stomach and shrugs.

"Not really" Magnus admitted.

"Are you blind man! Would you leave this woman alone to fend for herself and your four children? Are you that cruel?" Scourge asked.

"No. She'll manage fine without me" Magnus said.

"I pray you man. Find your honesty and confess your sins before it's to late!" Scourge pleaded.

"I've found my honesty" Magnus assured them, backing up.

"Well?" T-Ai asked.

"Well what?" Magnus asked.

"Isn't this where John Proctor kisses his wife with a passion that he hasn't felt since their wedding night?" Scourge asks.

"Umm…do I have to?" Magnus asked.

"YES!" Everyone, sans Koji, yells at him.

"Uhh—I think I hear the drums beating, time for my execution!" Magnus yells running off to be hung.

"Proctor! If you don't kiss her—"

"Him! I am a guy goddamnit!" Koji yelled. He thinks for a moment "And I don't want to be kissed!"

"If you don't kiss your wife I'll hang her too!" Scourge yelled. A dull rumble started in the distance.

"What's that?" Magnus stopped to ask.

"It sounds like a stampede" T-Ai said.

Koji looked terrified "Not again" He cried.

"What's going on boy?" Scourge hissed.

"EEEEKKKK!" a mass of girls swarmed into view.

"Who are they?" T-Ai asked.

"Remember when I mentioned fan clubs" Magnus asked.

"Yes"

"Well that's Koji's fan club" Magnus said.

"ATTACK!" the girls yelled. They then proceeded to tackle Scourge, tie him up and began to use him as a piñata.

"That was the most tame thing they've done so far" Koji commented.

"What do they usually do? Rip off your clothes for souvenirs?" Darkscream asked.

Koji glared at Darkscream as the girls stopped hitting Scourge. "You just had to remind them, didn't you?"

"Get him!" the girls cried as the group swarmed at Koji.

"BACK OFF!" the girls suddenly ran in terror from a pissed off T-Ai.

Everybody else stared at T-Ai shocked by her outburst. "People have been picking on me for four acts and you say nothing. Now some girls try to rip off my clothes and you freak?" Koji asked.

"I think it has something to do with the fact everyone ragging on you until now has been male. T-Ai doesn't want any females messing with you" Magnus explained.

"SHUT UP!" T-Ai yelled.

"Awwwww" the audience cooed at the slight romance shown.

"This scene would be so much more romantic if he wasn't portraying a pregnant woman and she wasn't wearing a fake moustache" a random audience member commented.

"Shut up" the rest of the audience yelled.

"Well screw you, you ungrateful boogers" She said before vanishing into thin air.

"Did the author just break the fourth wall again?" Darkscream asked.

"Do we honestly care?" Magnus asked

"No"

"How are we suppose to end this thing then? The fan club ruined the ending" T-Ai asked.

"Do you really have to ask?" Koji asked with a smirk.

**Ten Minutes Later…**

"Governor Danforth is hereby sentenced to hang for the murder of good Christian men and women. Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Sky-byte asked.

"You can all burn in h---" Scourge was cut off by the trapdoor under his feet opening up and allowing him to fall into the darkness of 'Hell'.

"I some how don't think this is how it really went in Salem" Magnus commented.

"It's close enough. The church admitted that they were wrong and there were no witches in Salem. They even issued a formal apology" Koji explained.

"Cool… Should we do curtain call now?" Magnus asked.

"How many of the original cast would be willing to actually comeback for it? How many can?" Koji asked.

"Well Prowl refuses to talk to me since I spilled the beans about our relationship in front of his brothers and I'm a little afraid of his brothers right now" Magnus admitted.

"Megatron came off his high from the drugs we slipped him to make him nice. We probably don't want to be anywhere near him until the Viagra is completely out of his system" Darkscream put in.

"Carl and Jenny won't return my phone calls since they were cast as vengeful sluts" Koji sighed.

"Team Bullet Train didn't like being cast as the bad guys either" T-Ai announced.

"And Koji made it so Optimus can't even think straight much less walk across a stage" Sky-byte said. "How did you do that anyway?"

Koji shrugged with unfocused eyes. "Tricks of the trade" he said non-committedly.

"Well who else can't make it?" Magnus asked.

"Scourge obviously" T-Ai said.

"And Wedge is hiding somewhere away from HeavyLoad. HeavyLoad is still treating him like he's a henpecked husband" Koji yawned.

"So it's just us?" Magnus said.

"Yup"

"Why don't we just call it a night?" Magnus recommended.

"Probably for the best. Koji's already asleep" Darkscream said holding up the boy.

"Probably should take him home" Magnus said. "His parents can be really scary at times"

"Ok!" Darkscream said dumping Koji into Magnus' arms before running off. "See ya!" Sky-byte said taking off.

"Don't look at me, I'm not even corporeal" T-Ai said.

"Fine. When the Onishis give you back by dismembered pieces send them to Prowl. I'd rather he had them than Optimus" Magnus grumbled as he walked off stage.

**Ye Olde Hospital…**

"Serves him right for hitting me so many times" Optimus grumbles watching TV.

"How does Leo deserve to be frozen in a block of ice for hitting you so many times?" His roommate asked watching yet another episode of Charmed.

"I'm talking about my stupid brother. He has to take our friend home to his psychotic parents who are probably going to kill him for half the stuff that happened to their son during the play we were performing" Optimus explained staring at the TV with the utmost interest. "HA!" He laughed pointing at the screen, which was currently showing Piper and Leo sharing a heart felt goodbye complete with tears and a promise to see each other again after the final confrontation. "Dr. Onishi just decked him!"

**The End.**

AN: The last part was written while I was being bugged by my little cousin so it isn't my best work.


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